Sometimes, when something is broken.. You have a chance to fix it.

But when it gets broken over and over again, and the cracks are so visible that what was once beautiful is just a horror show waiting to be broken again with a simple nudge.. Then maybe it should be put away.

Maybe it should be thrown away, because what use is something that is so broken you're even afraid to touch it in case it falls apart, crumbling beneath the gentlest caress? But looking at it.. All the memories and the laughter and the joy..

I don't think I can. Not yet.

And the saddest thing is, you probably don't realize that this is all that's left of our friendship.Or maybe you do, and you just don't care. I don't know anymore. I've been second best to everyone else with you these past few.. months? years? I don't even know where I stand anymore. I wish I could say that I didn't care, but  I miss being your friend - Without all the awkwardness that we're somehow left with.

I wish I could pinpoint that one moment in time when it all started to fall apart, and erase it. But I can honestly say it was everything and nothing. It was that one joke that hurt a little more than it should have, and imagined slights that went by remembered.. It was you walking away, or me never showing up. I wish I could say it was all you and live a guilt free life. But all the double edged words I've said in mock severity but meant in malice.. I can't erase those.

So here's to you, and to me.. And what we can't fix.

It's been a blast.

And that's fine.

I don't mind admitting how stupidly stupid I have been.

And today its one of those days I felt like someone had come along to slap some sense into me. I get excited over the most random things, and I have the attention span of a five year old high on speed, who has just consumed a tub of triple fudge-chocolate ice cream with sprinklings of sugar on top. I figure maybe I should take a breather, and calm down.

I keep saying I should do my under grad thesis. Maybe I should start then. I keep saying I'm going to be better at resisting vices I know I should avoid. Maybe I should start then. I keep saying I'm leaving my past (non existant) love affairs behind (seriously, I hold on to the most random people.. I can recite you my yr. 8 crush's home number, because I'm still crushing on him a little). Well maybe I should start it then.

There's a long 'to do' list that I've neglected for much, much, much too long. And today's a Sunday, as good a day as any to start over.

I'm gonna stop saying maybe, and I'm just going to plunge right into the deep end.

Here's to a new start.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/brazil-rocked-by-abortion-for-9yearold-rape-victim-1640165.html

A nine year old rape victim's parents and doctors were excommunicated by the church for abortion. Its left me with a frown on my face and a sick feeling in my stomach.

All life is sacred, I get that. I do. I've always believed in pro-choice, but I have moderate views on it, and I do believe that sometimes it shouldn't be a way out.. But on cases like this. Oh my god. The kid has gone through enough traumas without having to endure months more of it.

I'm pretty much speechless. My god.. The things that are happening in the world today..

First off.. I'd like to apologize for the amount of swearing I am about to do.

A 43 year old fucktard married a 12 year old girl. With plans to marry other little girls to follow.

http://www.detiknews.com/read/2008/10/22/185008/1024342/10/kontroversi-aisyah-dan-pernikahan-sensasional-syekh-puji -> original source of news.

I know some of you will say that its not the most reliable source of information, but look it up on google.. This 43 year old man marries a 12 year old girl, saying that by ISLAMIC LAWS its okay. The fuck it is. I may not be the most devout Muslim, but I know that it never said in the Qur'an that you're allowed to screw up someone's life like that - A little girl's life!!

He's apparently loaded, and the marriage was done with Islam, but not registered by law. MUI doesn't give a fuck if this man is thrown in jail. I applaud their sudden burst of intelligence. But get this.. A DPR member - a member of the fucking government says its okay as long as he can provide for her, care fore wellbeing and education, and she's okay psychologically anyway because psychological developement is hand in hand with biological ones!?

Can I get a chorus of 'FUCKING SICK BASTARD' please? Thank you.

She's a child. When I was 12, I was rolling down grassy slopes, or putting make up on ala Krusty the Clown and bouncing on beds! My cousin is finally just understanding that boys can be interesting. And this child.. This child will be responsible for a house? And in what.. a year? She'll be responsible for another life? How fucked up is that? Seriously.. That's just so sick.

And one thing that bugged me after I got over the fact that it was a 12 year old child who will experience all the non-joys of sex with deranged psycho.. This guy was bringing Islam into all this shit.

Let me clarify a few things..

In Islam there's a heavy price to pay for divorce. The males have to make sure the ex-wife and kids are fully provided for until such a time comes that the woman is married to another man. Even if the woman goes back to the family he still has to provide for her. I'm mentioning this because of the heavy responsibility given to the husband.

In the Qur'an its stated that if a woman cries even once because of her husband, he had just committed a grave sin. A man must make sure his wife is happy, sexually fulfilled and provided for. In short - love thy wife. Pamper her.

And marriage laws.. NO POLIGAMY.

The actual verse is something along the lines of 'you may take on another wife if you feel you can be just to your wives.' further on, it reads 'no man can ever be fully just.'.. aka.. Man cannot be 'fully just' therefore cannot have more than one wife! Its often taken out of context and that pisses me off.

And Muhammad married widows. He made sure they were taken care of and went home to his rightful wife. He married a much younger woman, sure. A Child. But he left her with her family until she was old enough to be taken away as a wife. AND IT WAS IN A SINGLE DIGIT BC!! Times were different.

Its shit like this fucktard molesting a 12 year old child that makes me ashamed of my own religion. And you know what.. I'm ashamed alot lately. Which I should never feel! Because Islam is beautiful in its intricacy, its social awareness.. Its acknowledgement of how important the roles of males and females are in keeping life in balance. Fucktards.

Shit like this makes me feel so angry and drained and just.. Hopeless.